In the beginning, there were 12 of us in the house. In some bizarre cross between the Real World and a melodramatic Spanish language soap opera, we've been living here since September of 1999. Some members of the cast have died off and some were revealed as evil twins, but the show continues.

Shaun was the first to leave. Shaun had lived in the back room of the house (also known as the skunk room) and we hardly ever saw him. Just one month into his tenancy, we got a note saying he was gone.

Sandor was the second to go. From his collection of candied dried salted plums to his Halloween getup as "Zirconium the Beijing Opera Cowboy," Sandor was a little weird. Sandor wrote for the school paper, and his column claimed to be inspired by The Onion. Unfortunately, the Onion makes me laugh, and Sandor's columns just made me wonder how long a dead one liner could be stretched. He couldn't even construct a good straw man argument, something I'd mastered in high school. (Yes, I have no shame.) Sandor eventually left to study in New Zealand.

Matt came from New Zealand to replace him. Together Paul and Matt are Booze and Pills. The nickname comes from some shirts they silk-screened in the dining room. Evidently, they don't make tee shirts inflammatory enough for the two of them. We're still waiting for the Aberfratboy and Bitch tees. You can read more about Paul's extracurricular activities on our Police Page. In spite of their similarities, like their interest in EXTREME BARBQUE, they are different people. Paul skis an amazing amount, teaching it on the weekends. Matt plays guitar well, and is 8 1/2 feet tall.

Aaron was a race car driver. Aaron was also a machinist. The he decided to go back to school. Now Aaron goes to school occasionally. You can also read about Aaron's exploits on our Police Page. He and Leila can be depended on to rent the best movies. Unlike Kevin.

Kevin was a history major in school, and now he's unemployed. When we all moved in, he was selling insurance and investment opportunities to older people with entirely too much money. Now he drives around in his expensive red jeep looking for work, or flies around the country doing temp jobs for a trade show and convention company. Kevin can be relied on to rent movies about war or movies with attractive young women on the box. You haven't really laughed until you've seen Kevin drunk, doing an impersonation of Kevin drunk.

James knew Kevin before he moved in, and was probably responsible for getting both of them into this mess. Yet they're still friends. Nobody really knows what James does for a living. Apparently it involves violating the embargo with Cuba and a fair number of lithe young co-eds. James also skis a lot.

Brendan is writing this. If you want to learn more about me, you could just read my page disenfranchised. Superficially, I'm balding, I should lose weight, and I'm too good at computers to be in my current job, where I'm paid to sand wood and shoot at trees.

Brendan, rather unhappy to be in the helicopter.

Tim is a student in biochemistry, or engineering, or some bizarre blend of the two. Tim listens to Phish entirely too much, and always plays the same damned song by Strange Folk when I'm in his car. Whenever Tim graduates, some company should hire him for his perseverance alone. He's worked the same poor pharmacy job for the last 832 years, making him the longest lasting employee in corporate history. I probably need to buy more toner for Tim's tiny little laptop printer.

Brad lives quietly in his little room on the second floor. He dresses mostly in black, although he doesn't do that annoying black hair dye thing to our shower any more. I think he's taking some classes, and he's pursuing an interesting career in the cafeteria arts. Noted for his potential to become a assault rifle wielding, black trench coated societal outcast, Brad's actually fairly low key.

Brook moved out the first weekend in April. As noted on our Police Page, he and Aaron had a little conflict back in December. After that, we pretty much didn't see him, except for occasional appearances on his way out the door. More frequent was the throaty 4 cylinder roar of his Vanagon in the wee hours as he came and went. Suspected of being a collaborator, Brook refused to sign Carole's letter that he'd been forced out of the house by other residents.

Bober (the narc) finally left on the second weekend in April. You can read about his behavior on the interpersonal fun page or the collaborators page. Beyond these already unsavory aspects to his character, his lifestyle and grooming left much to be desired. Although he did spend most of his time either working at his convenience store job or drinking hard lemonade alone in his room, his occasional appearances brought out the best in everyone. A particularly disturbing scene was his dinner composed of an entire chicken, 18 pounds of mashed potatoes, all the corn in Kansas, and enough gravy to cover it all. As it was once asked, "how do you get the stains on your shirt to line up with the stains on your socks like that?"

Bill is a graduate student in history. He also has a law degree. And a wife and kids in Denmark. And he serves in the Air Guard. For a while he was working at a local historical site. I guess you could say he's got a few irons in the fire. We'd always figured Bill for a possible collaborator with Carole. He was her designated house manager, he got a rent break, and he was one of the few people who'd talk to her. But he's proved over time that he likes her as little as we do. And the staking warning that Carole took out against him showed the dislike to be mutual. I guess it's true that the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

All text Copyright Brendan Impson 1999 unless otherwise noted. Images are copyrighted by either myself or Bill. If you want to use any of this junk, please contact me at brendan@bit-net.com